Just as every mountain is unique so too is every brain injury.
The eye would be okay “once the blood cleared and the swelling subsided”. Many months later, the blood did clear, the bruising and swelling did calm however the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) left permanent damage. 3 years on, I write today, working at accepting this, my new normal, life with limited vision along with physical, mental and psychological effects of my TBI.
TBI rehabilitation takes patience; usually measured in years and long after formal treatment has ended. Despite appearing better or healthier than early days there is much more than the physical that needs to heal and some that never will. Admittedly, patience is not my strength so I aim to stay positive while moving towards embracing my differently abled life.
It would be easy to focus all on that has been lost as a by-product of my accident: vision, appetite, sense of self, confidence, trust, independence, flexible thinking, patience, relationships, career, German residency, material things (e.g. apartment, car, driver’s licence), etc. however, I aim to stay mindful of that which I have gained including new perspective, gratitude and vision for a meaningful future. No longer having to gaze at the Rockies from a hospital bed, I am embracing the life I nearly lost, one mountain at a time and will use this venue to share the struggles and celebrations along my way.
Acceptance and Alchemy
Letting go of what could have been and finally embracing what is, acceptance, the most direct path to inner peace, challenged me for years following traumatic brain injury which resulted in loss of 70% of my eyesight. Through what felt like endless chapters of uncontrollable events, I struggled to cultivate inner balance through acceptance.
Feeling Fractured
Unanswered messages, emails and texts from companies who had been ‘on my team’ as I climbed atop some of the world’s most pristine peaks, having my story withdrawn from a magazine publication and a mention of insignificance, I am human; it hurts yet with that strength, fractured, I climb on.
Ice Fall
Once upon a chilly February morning, two eager friends raced the sun rising in Banff National Park in search of a frozen waterfall to scale.....the plot quickly twist and the happily ever after will take a minute.
Moving Mountains: Perspective and Possibility from Brain Injury and Vision Loss to the World’s Highest Peaks
2023
Thankful for the Canadian Concussion Legacy Foundation who asked me to share as part of their Inspiring Stories features.
Eye Shoulds
New shoulds, eye glasses, and response.
Craving the serenity, simplicity and solitude of life in the Himalayas, where I am disconnected yet connect deeply: inner peace should not be altered. I have work to do.
The Corona Blues
When Mother Nature sent us to our rooms, the imposition was all too familiar. Thoughts of being alone with only the voices in my head was daunting. I welcomed an unanticipated energy surge, yet nothing lasts forever. The Corona Blues are deep yet a spark flickers.
Hooked: Peace on Ice
Something powerful takes over when hanging by an axe hooked into ice, crampons and a collection of carabiners. Presence is where I find inner peace.
Falling into Place
I once thought that my TBI and vision loss meant my life had fallen apart, yet today I feel it beginning to fall into place.
Letting Go of the Trail Behind
When I create space for new possibilities, I flow with renewed courage, thankful for the strength I have learned from my scars.
Impermanence of Luminance
Heading towards a Swiss peak long before the light of day, a dark trail became a bright, reflective classroom. The teacher, a headlamp.
The Power in Pause Plus Perspective
Tears flowed throughout this tale which depicts the power of intentions, perspective and pausing in the art of conversation.
Waves in the Wilderness
When I thought I was on solid ground, an unanticipated wave rocked me. I work to ride the waves, each one an opportunity to learn from.
A Trail of No Comparison
Life is not about dwelling or craving change. Embracing life is about being the best I can possibly be right now.
The Trail Exposed
Vulnerability has led to conversation, connection and immeasurable growth that would not have unfolded had I kept my falls and fears within.
Seeing Light
An open heart and an open mind, opens doors and light appears. An unanticipated week in the hospital with pneumonia, I found light.
Breathing through a Stormy Trail
Up five stitches, down a front tooth, the sky was laughing at me as tears fell through the wrath of thunder on a new September 3rd.
A Trail of Learning: Lessons from my TBI
Deep, dark emotions that held me in misery, have become lessons. The more I learn, the less I fear.
Prevailing Winds of Worth
Though physical scars are permanent, self-belief changed. From hospitals to mountains, I am healing, rediscovering, not fixing, myself.
The Trail of Vulnerability
Vulnerability has led to new connections, experiences, growth and gratitude. Opening up has sparked new light on my trail.
The Story Continues: Extending the Trail
13 massifs during 1 trip arounds the sun: 12 months later, I am just getting started. Run, reflect, and grow through what I go through.
Where Gratitude Grows
From going to bed hoping to not wake, to being stoked about my trails ahead, though my eyesight has narrowed, my perspective has widened.
Fuelling Beauty on the Trails
North America triggered reminders of TBI losses. I struggled to find what I needed in my toolbox.
The Trail that Cracked
An unanticipated crack of a baseball bat in Flagstaff was nothing any therapy had prepared me for.
Running Trails through Thought Traffic
Arrival in the USA was accompanied by overwhelm. Rather than letting stumbling stones trip me up, I chose to let them strengthen and motivate me.
Sight Unseen: Blind Empathy
Sharing my story with a team of blind and visually impaired runners, the inspiration that transpired shone far brighter than the stars in the evening sky.
Silent Trail towards Acceptance
After years of one-to-one care, I cherish being alone in silence. Challenging days of stillness and silence proved to be powerful movement.
Rocky Trails
My body was on death’s doorstep such a short time ago. Now, being kind to it seems so straightforward yet through rocky terrain I struggle.
Limited Eyesight not Limited Expectations
Bloodied knees and hands and another smashed pair of sunglasses. At times I can laugh off falls. Today, getting back up was difficult.
Navigating a New Relationship
New relationships can be challenging. In my case, the new relationship is with myself. Like any relationship, it takes work.
Picturing Acceptance
What I cherish and celebrate in others at times is a challenge for me to appreciate in myself. I strive to focus on the look of inner strength.
Far from a Fairy Tale
A fairy tale might include a pretty alpine picture with my face glistening in the setting sun. Though many rainbows and golden stars, this story is real.
An Unanticipated Uphill: Andorra to the Alps
Transitioning from the Pyrenees to the Rhone Alps, nostalgia took a surprising toll. The learning curve is all uphill.
TBI in Common Language
A glimpse of acronyms intended to make sense of my injuries, diagnoses and complications along the way.