Letting go of what could have been and finally embracing what is, acceptance, the most direct path to inner peace, challenged me for years following traumatic brain injury which resulted in loss of 70% of my eyesight. Through what felt like endless chapters of uncontrollable events, I struggled to cultivate inner balance through acceptance.
Resisting my changing reality, I suffered. Observing the breath, noticing how each inhale turns into an exhale, meditation has helped me observe how sensations intensify and soften, thoughts come and go and feelings arise and fade. Through these observations, the principle of impermanence, I have grown to understand and accept that everything is constantly changing both within and around me. With time, acceptance and much self work, I allow impermanence to be a teacher while striving to embrace it with a sense of openness. With less resistance, learning from a decade lived fully, perspective gained through experience and adversity has led to a trial allowing me work through life’s mountains with increasing grace.
Every September 3rd hits with unpredictable emotions. This past year, more than ever, having lost one of my closest friends while others work through mental and physical health battles, experienced another sport accident resulting in another life altering injury, navigating headaches connected to encephalopathy, while in contrast feeling tangible evidence of the value of vulnerability, sharing my story and my heart, I reflect with gratitude more than ever for the strength found in my scars and all that is accepting the ephemeral nature of life. I am thankful for the choices I have made and ability to see myself as an alchemist; transforming something incredibly dark and hard to light. Too, every single day, thankful for the cheerleaders who never gave up on me when I believed life with a disability was not worth fighting for; never have I been so wrong.
- At home with a “Black Eye” September 3 2014 (The last photo of my face for 3 years)
- Therapy Notes 2015
- Tube that fuelled me from death’s doorstep, Denver 2016
- Lining up for my first ever ultra, the Annapurna 100, 10 months after getting discharged from medical care in Denver
- Finding my stride in Nepal, 2018
- In search of solace, Island Peak, Nepal, 2019
- Getting higher, Ama Dablam, 2020
- Rolwaling Traverse, Manaslu, 8 163 m, September 2021
- Backcountry skiing, Canadian Rockies, 2022
- Leading on ice, Canadian Rockies, 2023
- Tapping into the lessons of my TBI and all that is impermanence, Ice Fall, February 2024
Sonya says:
You are truly inspiring. I just adore you and your grit and your guts. What an anniversary and what a mix of emotions and massive mountains this past year has been. I am so deeply sorry for the incredible loss of your friends. I know what an honor it is to be considered one amongst your friends and I know what joy that title brings. I know you will carry that loss heavily and I want you to know I am always here to carry it with you. Thank you, thank you, 5000 times thank you for not giving up. The world is a much, much brighter and more beautiful, strong, and kick ass place, because you are in it. Keep mixing things up – you’ve got this, you always have. Sending you all the love, always xxx
Jill Wheatley says:
‘Hearing’ your voice feels like a huge hug as I imagine this day, home alone with a “black eye”; actually never alone at all. Despite time and distance between, I consistently am reminded that you have been beside me since that early morning drive in the Roomster. Imagining your hug, my smile lights with gratitude. Love you 5ooo ~ always xxxx